Update Do not read this spoiler if you might read the book Read it if you are NEVER oing to read the book You might want to afterwards though It s snorkingly hilariousview spoiler The author is in high school She is extremely overweight has low self esteem and is mad keen to be kissed She is also the only Mormon Once a week she has a long chat with the school heartthrob on whom she has a terrible tremendous and desperate crush Remember what that was like What they talk about is religion Mormonism and his ideas for putting the world to rights She says anything she thinks he wants to hear He ets all spiritual about snow purity and all that She says oh she s never seen snow Which is a lie He says there is snow in the mountains let s drive there right nowSo they do Three hours drive Three hours for her to work out how she is oing to fake seeing snow for the first time So they Decade of Despair get there ando walking in the woods All she can think of is he s What Was Lost going to kiss me he soing to kiss me So they doShe trips she sees stars his face is really close to hers oooh she thinks and puts her hand to her head It s wet She s bleeding from a head wound He s not Go-Go-Go! going to kiss her he s looking at it She can t really stand and walk with all that blood dripping in her face so he offers to carry her This sends our heroine into a panic as she knows he only thinks he can lift her he really won t be able to So in desperation she says I have my period on I have a maxi pad in my bag She puts the huge sanitary pad over the wound and holds it in place with the adhesive wings stuck on to her forehead And then they proceed to his car They do not kiss and they do not have their weekly conversations any I m surprised he was ever even able to look at her again without laughing Niceuy though he could have told the whole school What is 1 star about that It s a Somato Respiratory Integration Workbook good book hide spoiler Garcin come and lend a hand uickly We ll push her out and slam the door on her That ll teach her a lesson Don t listen to her Press your lips to my mouth Oh I m yours yours yours Estelle Rigault No Exit by Jean Paul SartreI knew Ms Baker for several years back in NY She was in my circle of acuaintances and I went to a few of her stand up shows As a result my reading of this book is informed by personal encounters with and observations of Ms Baker and is therefore potentially biased I should also point out that I find David Sedaris a tremendous bore Here is what Iot from her book which I must remind you is intended to be a uirky comedic autobiography Elna Baker is a tragic figure desperate for attention Any attention From anyone For just about anything She reminds me of Estelle Rigault from Sartre s No Exit a woman hopelessly seeking to define herself through the eyes and approval of others but doomed to unending torment because the people whose approval she seeks are not looking at her and she cannot bear to truly look at herself She never really understands the religion with which she half heartedly identifies herself and which she freuently misrepresents She never really rasps anything beyond the broad caricatures of it which she sees in popular culture or in the non religious cultural practices which she seems to mistake for the religion itself It s rather like a nominally *OBSERVANT JEW BELIEVING THAT EATING CHINESE *Jew believing that eating Chinese on Christmas and listening to the Maccabeats are what defines Jewishness She makes no efforts to see anything beyond her a priori assumptions This book left me with the distinct impression that all of her willfull ignorance and indolence were the result of the fact that doing anything would reuire a level of introspection and enuine interest in other humans which is somehow beyond the authorAs many other readers have noted Ms Baker comes across as a tremendous narcissist and it is truly disturbing how much time she spends deceiving others either to win their approval and acceptanceor to simply amuse herself at their expense Much of what she does also seems to be a sort of sub conscious striking back at the strawman she has created out of the jealousy she felt towards her sister blow after blow leveled against a villain who never existed anywhere outside of Ms Baker s own psyche Elna seems to deeply resent her successful supportive loving sister not for anything her sister has actually done or said but for the simple fact that Ms Baker believes that her sister iswas the physically attractive of the two And in a remarkably anti feminist twist being seen as sexually attractive makes up a ood deal of what really matters to Ms Baker In this respect she also reminds me of the DwarfThespian in CS Lewis s The Great Divorce so caught up in her posturing and self pity that she cannot see that she has only ever been diminishing herself and driving away those who truly loved her see also Pink Floyd s Outside the WallAs I said she is a tragic figure but she is unaware of this fact She thinks she is being I said she is a tragic figure but she is unaware of this fact She thinks she is being and daring that she is some sort of incredible rebel but it s immediately clear that everything she does and says is designed to et attention and assuage her ever rowing insecurities Deep down Elna Baker is terrified of herself and terrified of having to choose a side LOVE ME she cries But don t look past my surface and don t make me look at myself eitherI hope that I am wrong and that I have somehow disastrously misread this book But than that I hope that some day as an older wiser stronger healthier adult she will look back at this and say Good riddance to the sort of irl she used to beUPDATE An acuaintance recently informed me that Elna Baker now proclaims herself an ex Mormon In response to the uestion But what will Elna write about now that acuaintance commented wryly Oh but don t you know Apparently being an EX Mormon makes you a better expert on being Mormon than any actual Mormon I think that really does put the whole thing into perspective This is a book by a single Mormon qasas-ul-quran girl who is exactly my age and she s writing about what her life is like Theoretically I should be able to kind of relate to thisirl But the thing is she and I have faced a lot of the same decisions and I ve tended to chose the opposite of what she has I disagree with her about a lot of things And she s not advocating the choices she s made She s just telling her story and she s telling it honestly But still I felt maybe a little judged This is a irl who s It's lonely being a Mormon in New York City Every year Elna Baker attends the New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance This year her ueen Bee costume which involves a funnel sting.
Elna Baker Á 5 DownloadMormon so it s okay if I stray but that s not the answer either I kept oing back to the dedication to her parents and that she doesn t seem to understand how much this will sadden them that she seems like such a child immature and irresponsible That s when I realized I wasn t mad at her as much as disappointed I liked this Dead-End Road Mysteries girl and in the end I wanted her memoir to show that she hadrown up to take a stance one way or the other to stop lying and realize life has conseuences to be something substantial than I m an actor look at me I wanted the memoir to be raw and real and make her realize something about herself but she ended it just as naive and indecisive as she started Due to language some sexual content and irreverent humor I wouldn t recommend this book to many of my LDS friends Those who are able to read this book with an open mind and without total offense know who they areMy feelings and thoughts about this book are very mixedI love Elna s free spirit I hate Elna s continual need to lie I liked Elna s spontaneity I detested her selfishness I relate fully to some of her doubts and uestions and insecurities I find her approach to dealing with above mentioned issues as fruitless She seems to do and things to make herself unhappy Her relationship to Mormonism bothers me simply because she is ashamed of it yet doesn t want to stop being Mormon Yes this dichotomy and her suspension between two worlds is the crux of the book but it seems so immature She wants the best of both worlds but can never have itMany of her feelings and doubts about Mormonism are things that I have felt or still feel yet she doesn t seem to approach this conflict with any purpose or clarity Also the way that she presents her understanding of many basic Hear the Wolves gospel principles seems immature and pathetic For example She claims that Mormons don t believe in evolution or the dinosaurs yet many Mormons do believe that the earth wasn t created in 7 days and many Mormons don t have a problem with evolution or dinosaurs Her representation of Mormons is from some outdated filmstrip from the 50 s and very narrow Obviously this is an identity crisis book but it is hampered by the authors immaturity and total self centerednessI read this book looking for enlightenment and laughter as to how another woman deals with being uniue and being Mormom Unfortunately I came away disappointed and confused The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance is a fantastic example of why I love memoirs It has everything you would want in an entertaining memoir things such as hilarious work stories my favorite part of the book Babies Buying Babies to relationship problems to uestioning one s faith to major weight lose Elna Baker covers a lot ofround for someone so youngElna is a Mormon and it was really interesting to learn about Mormons and also how it played a part in Elna s life She s constantly challenging her religion and I thought that was a really honest depiction of religionThis is probably one of the best memoirs I have read in the last few years when I saw it and I read the title I knew this author would have a Valors Measure great sense of humor and she definitely did I was alsolad that there were serious parts to her story as well that she could jump back and forth from something hilarious to something heartbreaking shows just how much talent she hasI re I want to bear my testimony as to the truthfulness of this book My wife and I read it out loud on a recent trip from SLC to San Diego We laughed out
Loud We Cringed Wewe cringed we I ve been carrying Elna around for the last couple of days We ve been making it okay because she lost 80 pounds in the book way to BFI Film Classics go and I ve been doing a crossfit work out for the passed couple of months so I metting much stronger I just can t Tni Tata Dunia Baru Sistem Pertahanan get thisirl and her story out of my head I don t think I ve ever had such a difficult time in rating a book as well I WOULD GO FROM 2 5 STARS THE ENTIRE TIME go from 2 5 stars the entire time was reading and I am still uncertain about how I feel about her memoir overall I settled in on 4 because it will help the overall average and I just can t help but root for Elna This book is hilarious and I devoured it in less than 48 hours The author is honest and candid in a way that was truly refreshing The chapter on baby Nubbins at FAO Schwarz and the scene where she is on a date and has to pull out a maxi pad to stop her bleeding head were comic وصف الاستعباد في مملكة فاس - مذكرات أسير سويدي على عهد السلطان مولاي عبد الله genius Oh I can t forget to mention the dirty cookie chapter I could relate and empathize with this author on so many levels She had some very poignant moments as sherapples with issues of faith and doubt I thought she did a Fiend good job of really letting me as a reader into a very personal struggle The Mormon church has young adults leaving the church in huge numbers in this ageroup This Voice of Conscience gave me a front row seat to how difficult it is to be a young single woman in a very married church I was right there with the author up until the end where I felt a bit disappointed I think I was hoping for I wanted her to hone her inner feminist or at least her lessons from Young Women on Individual Worth and ughrow up a little Her obsession with her self image and her desperate pleas to be loved saddened me The worst part for me was when she followed up on the advice from a book called The Fascinating Girl from the seventies It suggested reverting back to the submissive style of the 1920 s I don t know what was harder to watch her shamelessly tripping on purpose or the PROBE MY ASS (A Reluctant Doctor/Patient Anal Sex erotica story) guy falling for the act There are a lot of inside jokes that you will clearly laugh harder at if you are a Mormon even though the author doesn t think Mormons laugh at themselves very well come onive us some credit but this is really a book that the masses will enjoy A word of caution the author states right on the dedication page that there will be some swearing big ones and "some chapters that she thinks her parents should skip If you are sueamish you should skip those right along " chapters that she thinks her parents should skip If you are sueamish you should skip those right along Mom and Dad or skip it altogetherOne last word about Mom and Dad and the rest of the family While they are not perfect and Mom skewed view of the world they were so endearing I mean what kind of Dad The Pedlar and the Bandit King (Scarlet and the White Wolf, gets restless and tells the kids too and Marvins Room grab their passports head to the airport and look for the cheapest flight and jump on with only the clothes on their backs Time after time I found myself falling in love with this incredible magical family. Rty year old virgins doing the Funky Chicken But loneliness is nothing compared to what Elna feels when she loses eighty pounds finds herself suddenly beautifuland in love with an atheist. One through a lot of effort to not be like one of those lame Mormonirls from Utah You know like meIt s well written and as a character in a book this Roberto to the Dark Tower Came girl is very likeable But when I was finished reading Iot kind of annoyed with her There are a couple of places where it seems like she s saying that the reason she doesn t fit in with all these crazy Mormons is that she s smarter and better than them Her understanding of her own religion is at about a 3rd rade level so subjects like cloning and the age of the earth throw her for a total loop She s pretty naieve about the rest of the world too For instance when she s complaining to her friend that she wouldn t know what to do if she wanted to have sex he suggests she tries watching porn Her response is Where would I even find porn He suggests she try the internet and she s all There s porn on the internet Really Elna ReallyI would maybe recommend this book to some people Maybe to Caroline It s a fun interesting read and it was pretty thought provoking even if some of the thoughts it provoked were along the lines of Why on earth did you think that would be a ood ideaI wouldn t recommend this book to my non Mormon friends because I think it reflects poorly and inaccurately on my demographic and by extension me If you do read this book and you aren t Mormon come talk to me about it There are some things I ll want to clear up A few years ago I was listening to a podcast of The Moth while running one morning Many of the storytellers at The Moth sound like they ve been around the block a few times but this Pink Ribbons, Inc. girl sounded so sweet and sueaky clean It was a huge change of pace to hear her after stories of alcoholic parties and attempted murders typical topics for The Moth As I listened to theirl talk about how her parents married young and had five kids I said to myself Wow this Star Cookies Comfort girl has GOT to be Mormon And sure enough a sentence or two later she outed herself as one of the tribe I ve been a fan of Elna Baker ever since and couldn t wait toet my hands on The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance which I m sure would have come through on my reserve list much uickly had we still lived in Texas less competition than in Utah In New York Regional the title is stupidly long Elna talks about trying to live life as a faithful Mormon while living single in New York City It s sort of a Sex in the City without the sex but making out aplenty meets The Singles Ward although Elna would have a much hipper soundtrack Elna honestly talks about her doubts about her faith and her desire to cling to both her beliefs and her culture and the obstacles that make staying faithful in her profession and at her stage in life difficult while living in one of the most worldly cities in the world She also writes about her battle with her self image she lost 80 pounds in her early twenties and her family relationshipsAs a Mormon I m firmly in Elna s camp I think the book is funny well written and shows that there are lots of different ways to be LDS and that it s possible to explore doubt and stray occasionally from the straight and narrow without wanting to leave it permanently Yeah it s a little bit self absorbed but c mon it s a memoir and there are some places where a conservative Mormon might roll her eyes and wish that a lesser known publisher had released the book but overall I m proud of one of my irls making it big I ve waited for over three months to write this my irls *MAKING IT BIG I VE WAITED *it big I ve waited over three months to write this so that I can be a bit objective about it After all it s not like I know Elna Baker author and comedienne living in New York City So why would her memoir about balancing her doubts with her faith within her sparsely populated Mormon world have me feeling all kinds of righteous indignation I can only compare it to the feelings that arise when listening to someone else complain about your own family Oh no you didn t Only I Doros asin mga Anghel get to rant and whine and poke fun at our flaws and imperfections You can sympathetically nod in understanding but there is no speaking There is no voicing of your o Baker likes to sit in the in between neither committing herself to one side or the other I find myself feeling the same way about her book with things I both like and dislike about the book and her And so sheets a non committal three stars from meI m a very trusting person and I always expect that other people are telling me the truth But I think Elna Baker lied to me A lot You would think that the confession that she was a pathological liar would be the thing to clue me in but it wasn t It was the inconsistencies in her story that The Other Alice gnawed at me until she states she went to the temple to pray about marriage She can to to the temple Even if she hadn t made it very clear that she had not been through she wasn t worthy of a recommend unless she lied which I am aware she was capable of but she didn t want to commit herself to that She wants to live in the in between where she could o either way and that would put her definitely in one camp Unless she sat in the lobby she lied to me And if she lied about that what else about her story did she invent or twist just because it makes a better storyA lot of the book I found very entertaining and even laughed out loud at times The bit about the dirty cookie was her best comedic piece I wish all her sections had been as well developed I say that because I don t see this as a memoir as much as a stand up comedian s skewed take on something rooted in actual events but without the honesty of a memoir While I appreciate her candidness about her spiritual doubts sexual frustration and struggle to stay faithful in New York especially after she lost weight and wanted to flaunt her new found sexiness I don t think Baker is ready to be honest with herself much less the worldBy "the end I was mad at Baker I d be lying if I said the " end I was mad at Baker I d be lying if I said the of religion didn t play a small role in that but that s not it I actually enjoyed much of her self doubt and only thought she crossed the line once or twice I can sympathize with the desire to differentiate herself with extreme Mormons and I think everyone should uestion what they believe Sometimes her pathological lying bothered me mostly that she thought it was funny and without conseuence but that wasn t it either I wondered if it were the f words she planted just before she introduced Mr Atheist Right as if to say but I m not really a oody The Connected Home goody. Er stuck to her butt isn't attracting the attention she'd anticipated So once again Elna finds herself alone standing at the punch bowl stocking up on Oreos a virgin in a room full of thi.